Aperture
by Racquet
Summary: ap·er·ture n 1: an opening, as a hole, slit, crack, gap 2: a man made opening that controls the amount of light admitted.
1. Never Too Late

A/N: Welcome one, welcome all to my lair.

I'm attempting a new style for this story, so please don't hesitate to let me know whether you love it or hate it so I know whether it's a good idea to continue with this style. I left a lot of stuff vague for a purpose and if anything seems weird it's probably for a reason; feel free to ask for an explanation.

I have this story planned to contain roughly 4 or 5 chapters and then if I get a good response for this work I have a full length story in the works (though not in this style) that I'll post.

I'd love for any comments and constructive criticism you've got and I tend to post faster when I get lots of responses nudge-nudge-wink-wink

Also, I didn't write this as a slash, but it doesn't take much to see it that way if you wish.

Obligatory Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me (though probably fortunately for them) Four Brothers does not belong to me nor does 'Never too late' by Three Days Grace, whom I don't own either…for now anyways. Muahahahaha!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled broadcast…

**Aperture, Chapter 1**

* * *

_This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it_

And you don't know what's wrong with Jack this time except that it's two in the morning and he just came home and he didn't notice you sitting on the couch so he didn't notice when you saw him wiping his eyes and sniffling and he didn't notice you stand from the couch as he crept up the stairs or the creak of that sixth step as you climbed the stairs after him but you know he'll notice the turn of the knob and the squeak of the door as you open it.

_Hey Jack, don't you think two is a little…_

And your voice dies in your throat as the door swings slowly open to reveal a scene that makes your insides turn to ice and your shoes fill with cement and no matter how clichéd and cheesy that sounds it's the only way you can think to describe it.

_Jackie what are you doing?_

And that seems like such a dumb question even to you because it's obvious what he's doing but you don't know what else to say and it just comes out and you just want him to know you're there because you think he missed the door.

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life_

_I'm done Bobby, I'm so fucking tired of this shit, I'm just done with it._

And his voice is calm as he supports himself against the wall and he doesn't even seem surprised that you're there and he doesn't even try to hide the gun that he's got shoved up under his chin and got a death grip on like it's the last life jacket on a sinking ship and his eyes stay straight ahead and you don't think he's drunk or high which scares you even more because okay people don't do this when they're sober and clean, not unless they mean it and he doesn't want Jackie to mean it._  
_

_Jackie, how about you just put the gun down and we can sort this out. Everything will be alright, just put the gun down._

And he doesn't put the gun down but then again you didn't really expect him to and you think that if you could just get him to tell you what's wrong you could fix it and you want him to believe you because you're Bobby and he's Jack and that's just how it is, how it's been for years.

_Jackie, can you tell me what's wrong at least, so we can talk about it?_

And his nostrils are flaring and his breath is hitching as he tries to calm himself enough to catch his breath and he's sobbing harder and shaking his head and you know that's all you're going to get but you want more and you're not ready to give up on him yet and your scared stiff that he'll pull that trigger as you watch his Adams apple bob from behind the artificial assassin that's threatening to take away your little brother.

And you start to try again but you're violently interrupted.

_  
The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't be ours again_

_It hurts too much Bobby, just make it stop! Please!_

And his voice is pleading and he's falling, sliding down the wall, that stupid wall that mom made _you_ wallpaper when Jackie came, the wall _you_ had to fix when Jackie hit a hole through it with his baseball bat, the wall _you_ had to repair when Jackie's bong caught it on fire, but this time is different, because you can't fix bullet holes.

_Jackie…_

And you pause because this is hurting you too, more than you'd like to admit but this isn't about you this is about Jackie and you have to pull yourself together because if you don't it'll be Jackie that pays, not you, not this time.

_We can beat this and I promise it'll stop, I promise._

And your voice is breaking and your hands are shaking because now you're reaching for the gun and his eyes follow your hands but you want them on your eyes.

_Look at me Jackie._

And his eyes stay on your hands and his grip on the gun tightens and you're scared shitless of what that could mean. You can't help but to think that this should be Ma, not you. You hate yourself for wishing it was Angel or Jerry or anybody but you who has to deal with this right now because you don't know if you're doing this right and nobody is here to help you and if Jackie blows his brains out it'll kill you just as surely as it'll kill him and you're not ready to die.

_Jackie, please look at me._

And he does, he turns those ever shining windows on you and for a second you wish that maybe he hadn't because they're not Jackie's eyes anymore, they're the red-rimmed pits that he wore once before, years before when you first saw him and you don't really want to believe that he has regressed that far and you haven't noticed.

_It's too late Bobby, I don't want to feel this way anymore._

And you stop reaching because his voice is dead and his finger is on the trigger now and you can see the pressure start to seep from his quaking finger onto the minute crescent that could end it all and you get desperate because this sure as shit feels like the end and you didn't want to do this but you're out of ideas.

_Jackie. Just hold on for a fucking second. What do you think this is going to do to Ma, huh Jack? Did you even think about that? What about Jerry and Angel and Ma, they need you here, what about them, don't you care about them?_

And you pause because this is going to be harder than you thought and you're not sure you're ready but you have to be because this is Jackie you're talking about and you'll do anything for Jackie.

_And what about me Jackie? What about me, huh? I need you Jackie, I need you._

And even though you thought it wasn't possible Jackie starts to cry harder, the sobs rack his impossibly thin frame and you're sure that one of these times his finger is going to slip and it'll all be over then, too late for both of you.

_Bobby!_

And it comes out as something between and sob and a scream but you barely hear it because all you see is the gun and all you know is that it's moving away from Jackie's head and as his arm goes limp and hits the floor your moving and he fights your presence but you don't care because you've got your arms wrapped around him and he's safe and that's all that matters and you softly whisper into his hair…_  
_

_Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause…_

_It's not too late, it's never too late._

* * *

Let me know if you want the next chapter… 

Racquet.


	2. Apologize

A/N: Forgot to tell you in the first chapter that each chapter takes place 3 months after the previous one (this takes place 3 months after Jack trying to off himself and the next one will take place 3 months after this one, etc. )

**Obligatory Disclaimer: **Four Brother-not mine. Lyrics to Apologize and Timbaland-not mine.

On with the show…

**Aperture, Chapter 2 **

* * *

_I'm holding on your rope_

_Got me ten feet off the ground_

_And I'm hearing what you say,_

_But I just can't make a sound_

And you sit on your bed and watch as he walks by in his baggy jeans and his boots and his god damned slicked back hair and he shuts the bathroom door like he's the only fucking person who lives in this house, though he might as well be because everybody else is asleep, but you know this routine all too well and you'll be damned if you're going to sleep through it again and

_You up Jackie?_

And you must have made some semblance of a noise because a blinding flash of light assaults your vision and you balk away from the white lightening pain only to receive the same treatment from the wall behind the bed.

_Careful there Jackie…_

And you hear him snicker and you can feel the smirk on his face even if you can't see it as his boots pound their way across the threshold of your sanctuary and draw nearer to where you lay, each step compounding upon your throbbing skull.

…_you're going to hurt yourself._

And how ironic it is that he would say that tonight because that's precisely what he means to do and you don't even know why he's here right now but you do know that you don't want him here and as his strong calloused hands grasp your shoulders to pull you upright and you brace your hands against the taunt muscles hidden behind the cotton turtleneck and you push him away with everything you've got and you're surprised at how far he has to back-peddle to regain his balance but you're not surprised at the astonished, hurt look on his face and to be completely honest you can't say you're not happy to see it because why should you be the only one hurting tonight.

_The fuck was that for Jack?!_

And his voice is angry but you can hear that hint of pain there too and for a moment you're satisfied but you can't look at him because the tears are threatening to fall and you can't answer him because the lump in your throat will strangle you if you try so you stay silent and stare at the glowing neon of the alarm clock by your bed and hope he'll go away, 4:32.

_Jack_!

And you know he's only going to get angrier until he gets an answer but you don't have an answer and why does the bastard deserve one anyway so you stay frozen where you are and manage a slight swivel of you're head.

_No?_

And now he's getting louder and you both know that raised voices freak you out but that doesn't seem to be bothering him right now so why should you give a shit.

_You think you can just pull shit like that and not explain it? I don't think so, not in this house!_

And he's coming back at you again and you know if he touches you that you'll start crying and you wont be able to stop so you draw your legs up and cover your face with quaking hands as the prickling of tears starts behind your eyes and still he keeps coming and your thin arms are no match against his as he pulls your arms roughly away and you're forced to look past the distorting tears and into his blazing eyes and it seems to last forever as you stare each other down.

_Jackie…_

And his voice isn't angry anymore and his eyes have softened but you know it doesn't change anything and he's still going to hurt you and you feel like such a wimp as you sit there with eyes shining and chin quivering and you don't want him to see you like this, not right now, and you manage to find your voice.

_Just. Fucking. Leave._

_You tell me that you need me_

_Then you go and cut me down_

_You tell me that you're sorry,_

_Didn't think I'd turn around_

And you don't really want him to leave but his presence hurts and you don't know how to deal with it other than to run and you know there's no way you'll make it through the door while he's here.

_You know I have to._

And you think you heard his voice waver on that one but more than likely it's your imagination because there's nothing that's making him go and you tell him as much.

_Bullshit. You could stay but you choose not to so don't try and feed me that crap._

And you can barely get out that last word because it feels like there's a boulder blocking your airway and you can hardly breathe and your head is swimming so you bury it in your arms and let the silent tears fall, safe from scrutinizing eyes.

_Jackie, you had to know this was coming, it always…_

And you just want him to shut the hell up because nothing he's going to say is going to cut it for you so he might as well save his breath.

_Yeah, well maybe I thought this time was different!_

And you're not quite sure why you're screaming but you know it feels good and you raise your head because you want to see him and you want him to see how bad this hurts you because maybe that'll hurt him and by the look on his face you think you've succeeded.

_Why? Why would this time be different?_

And his voice is small and now his eyes are shining too and you want to hit rewind because you've changed your mind about wanting to hurt him and you want to calm down but you can't and you feel like whispering but continue to scream.

_Because you said you needed me! Did you fucking forget about that night? We were right here and you said you fucking needed me!_

And you can't hold it in any longer as the wave of hurt and fear washes over you like a typhoon and your body is racked by the sobs you emit and your heart is aching because you were wrong about that night and he doesn't need you and once again your going to be alone and disposable.

_Jackie I do, I do need you I swear, but right now I have to do this, for me._

And he's on your bed now and his strong arms are holding you steady and for a second you feel safe and okay but then the arms are gone from around you and they're on the sides of your face and then his lips are pressed against your forehead for the briefest second before he pulls away and whispers softly.

_I'm sorry._

And then contact is broken completely and you feel cold inside as you watch his back retreating from your room and you can't just let him leave because you need him so damned bad that if he leaves you know you'll die, maybe not right away but you will, you're sure of it so you need to stop him, you need to.

_Bobby wait!_

_I'd take another chance,_

_Take a fall,_

_Take a shot for you_

And the sound carries from your lungs and bounces around your room and out the door and you see the light from Jerry's room flick on but you don't care and you just need that sound to reach Bobby, to stop him from walking out that door and you hear his heavy boots stop moving on the stairs for just a second and that's enough for you and you're off your bed and across the room and into the hallway to see his back facing towards you but at least he's standing still and that has to count for something.

_I can't stay Jack, I'm sorry, I just can't. When you're older you will understand.  
_

And he's moving again and you know he's not going to stop this time and you don't even think about chasing him because it wont matter and you feel dizzy and the room is spinning and you can't see straight and then there's arms wrapped around you and for a second you think it's Bobby, that he's come back for you but it's not Bobby it's Jerry and you fight against him but you're too weak and he's holding you as you both sink to the floor and he's shouting at someone and you see Angel's form sweep past the both of you and down the stairs after Bobby and you hear shouting and Jerry's rocking you and speaking softly and you know he's trying to calm you down but you can't make out the words and it wouldn't matter if you could because you can't calm down because Bobby is leaving and without him you are nothing.

_I'm sorry like an angel_

_Heaven let me think you was_

_But I'm afraid…_

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late._

* * *

I'm not as fond of this chapter as I was the first one. 

Let me know what you think, I have the rest of the story planned out, now I just have to write it. I have an outline and it looks like it's going to be six chapters in all.

See that little button in the bottom right hand corner? Pushing it and hitting keys makes me a happy writer ;)

Thanks for reading,

Racquet.


	3. Trust Me

**A/N:** I'm looking for a beta reader for my next fic which will be a full-length Four Brothers fic, if you're interested let me know :)

**Obligatory Disclaimer: **I don't own Four Brothers (I think y'all should know that by now!) or The Fray or the lyrics to Trust Me.

Here we go again...

Aperture, Chapter 3

* * *

_Looking for something I've never seen_

_Alone and I'm in between_

_The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in_

_A city I've never been_

And you wait at the door and listen for the buzzer and the click and when it comes you take a step back and watch the white bars as they slide through your vision before coming to a jarring halt and you know the drill so you step into the hall and watch as your escort steps up behind you and the command to move propels you into motion and you walk down the halls and listen to the yells coming from the depths of identical white barred holes until you come to a door and the silence within the room leaves your ears ringing in contrast to the noise of the hallway and when asked for the number you mechanically reply as you lift the receiver to your ear.

_Hello?_

And you expected to hear Ma's voice coming through the phone because it's Wednesday and that's Ma's day off and your bothers are in school and so you're totally unprepared for the sleep ridden, husky voice of the one person you don't think you can deal with right now.

_Jack?_

And the line goes silent and you know it's him and you know he's there and as much as you don't want to talk to him right now you know that if you hang up that you wont get another call and you wont get to talk to Ma or to explain yourself.

_Is Ma there?_

And you're not sure how he feels about you right now and you know if he had done to you what you had done to him that you'd hate him with everything that you had and you'd scream and punch the wall and hang up the phone and you hope that you haven't rubbed off on Jack that much.

_No._

And you can hear the hatred in his voice and your heart sinks because even though it was a slim chance you had retained just a little bit of hope that he had forgiven you and the two of you could just move forward instead of being stuck in this rut but even you knew that would be too much to ask of him.

_What do you want?_

And you're surprised to hear his voice come over the line because you had though that you would have to beg and plead for him to talk to you but apparently he's stronger than you think and you're face burns with embarrassment for thinking that he had been so hurt by your leaving and maybe you don't mean as much to him as you thought you had.

_I wanted to talk to Ma._

And you hope that maybe he had lied about Ma not being there and he'll hand her the phone so that this awkward conversation will be over and you can just tell Ma what you've done and hang up the phone and walk back the way you came and just forget that you'd talked to Jack at all.

_Where are you?_

And your eyes trail down to the breast of your jumpsuit and your hand fingers the white embroidered lettering that resides there, Muskegon Correctional Facility.

_But I said you and me we don't have honesty_

_The things we don't want to speak_

_I'll try to get out but I never will_

_This traffic is perfectly still_

_Grand Rapids._

And you know he has a right to know the truth and you should tell him right now because he's going to find out sooner or later whether he hears it from you or Ma or Jerry or Angel but right now you can't bring yourself to tell him because that'll only lead to more questions you don't want to answer.

_Oh._

And his voice is flat and distracted and you think you might have sensed the smallest hint of disappointment but it's probably your imagination because by the tone of his voice he doesn't care much where you are or even if

_Are you coming home?_

And so much for that idea because maybe he does want you home but his voice is still emotionless and you know this is going to come out strong and rude but there's no way around it because now this isn't your choice.

_No._

And you hear a deep, muffled sigh come over the line though you can't tell if it's a sign of relief or frustration and it doesn't really matter either way because you can't fix it whether you want to or not but you can try and resolve some things before you go home.

_If I say what I know it just goes to show_

_You need me less than I need you_

_But take it from me we don't give sympathy_

_You can trust me trust nobody_

_Listen Jackie, about…_

And that's all you have time to get out before you're interrupted and the voice isn't the same one that you'd been talking to just moments before and you know it comes from the same body but it is definitely a different mind as the word come out loud, cold and angry.

_My name is Jack. Not Jackie, just fucking Jack._

And that leaves no doubt in your mind that he is mad at you and more, he's furious and has every right to be and for once in your life you're being yelled at and you have no ambition to yell back and no anger swells up inside you and you don't even feel remotely close to punching a wall or the closest person.

_Alright, Jack. About the night I left, I just…_

And again you're interrupted and his voice has changed once again to a cool, calculated, commanding voice that you never expected to come from him and you can nearly taste the hatred seeping through the wire and out the small, dilated holes in the receiver.

_Save it Bobby. I don't believe a damn word that comes out of your fucking mouth so if you have something you want me to tell Ma or whatever the fuck you called to say than say it now or I'm hanging the fuck up._

And you sit there in silence and mull over your next move and you're not sure what that is because you've never been disrespected or been made to feel like such a piece of dirt before and you never thought it would be him that would be able to make you feel so low.

_You'll understand when you're older Jack, you will._

And you're met with only the dull buzz of the dead line and you can't believe he just hung up on you and you don't have time to think it over now as a guard takes the receiver from your hand and your escort is once again at your back and commanding you to move and even though your shoes feel as if they're filled with cement somehow you manage to move but you don't want to move but to sit back down at the table and call him back and tell him the reason you're in here is because you beat the shit out of a scumbag who was fucking little kids and that it was for him, you did it for him and you want him to trust you and tell you that he needs you again.

_We're only taking turns_

_Holding this world_

_It's how its always been_

_When you're older you will understand_

_And then again maybe you don't_

_And then again maybe you wont_

* * *

Grrr! I hate this chapter. This is the third version I've written.


	4. Eyes Can't See

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait everybody, school's been a bitch and this chapter was giving me some trouble.

**Obligatory Disclaimer: **Four Brothers is still not mine (damnit!) and neither is Marty Casey (though I have plans...oh do I have plans...) and the Lovehammers or the lyrics to Eyes Can't See.

**Warning:** Drug use and m/m sexual content are present in this chapter.

And around, and around, and around we go...

Aperture, Chapter 4

* * *

_And the room is growing smaller_

_There's no answer when I call him now_

And you gently guide the door closed until the click of the lock pierces through the silence of the night and through your heightened senses it sounds like the detonation of a grenade exploding in your ears.

_Fuck Jack, hurry up! I'm jonesing like shit over here._

And you roll your eyes and smirk at Chris' impatience and the way his body is twitching and the sweat is streaming down his face and you turn and saunter to the futon that now resides in the corner of the room that your old bed used to occupy and you heft the cushion until you are able to reach the plastic bag that lays wedged between the mattress and cold, steel skeleton of the structure and you give it a yank to bust it free of the confines.

_You want it so damn quick then you'd better find me a new pen._

And you can hear him throwing shit around as he frantically searches for a pen while you pull the supplies from the worn bag and the aluminum foil crunches loudly as you search for an unscorched section and the lighter drops absently onto the futon as you reach for the baggie of finely cut powder and shuffle some onto the foil and you stand up for better access to the similar baggie that rests in the pocket of your tight, ripped jeans and as you extract it you tone out the curses from across the room as the completion of a simple task eludes the twitching Chris.

_Hurry up Chris, it's ready._

And the contents of the new are mixed with the contents of the old and the lighter now remembered rests in your hand as you turn to Chris who has a toothy grin plastered across his face and more importantly a pen in his hand and you snatch it rudely from his quaking hand and twist the tip off before impatiently shaking the internal contents onto the floor until you are left with only a hollowed tube and you sigh.

_Here we go._

And you position yourself securely on the floor with your back against the wall and your knees bents and you drag your thumb across the serrated edges of the lighter wheel before giving it a spin and you watch the flame dance and sway and you can see Chris moving to sit next to you as you position the flame under the aluminum foil below the mixture and you bring the hollowed pen to your lips and inhale, letting the fumes take you.

_My eyes can't see_

_What is wrong with me_

_My world is spinning round_

_And I'm lost again, lost again_

And the euphoria sweeps across your body and you can feel everything bad seeping out of your body through your pores and into the vast air around you and for the first time since your last hit you feel whole and good and the pain of loneliness and hurt and regret are unknown and if you could stay like this forever and never come down and be forced to face the confines of reality you would in a heartbeat and your euphoric thoughts are interrupted by the happy jabbering of Chris next to you.

_Shut up Chris, you're gonna wake up the whole damn house._

And even that doesn't really bother you because nothing can reach you here where your heart pounds quick and rhythmically in your chest and you can't see exactly straight and the passage of time eludes you but as the initial force of the coke plateaus into a blurring relaxation you feel the familiar pull at your groin and it doesn't surprise you in the least because coke always makes you horny and all get out and your pants are feeling entirely too tight and you have to stifle a moan as you push the heel of your hand against the bulging denim.

_Need some help with that?_

And you swivel your head to meet Chris' eyes and you just stare because you had no idea that Chris swung that way and he must have taken that as a yes because his hand snakes towards you and strokes you through the thick denim of your jeans and he's moving to position himself between you're bent legs and he releases the button and slowly undoes the zipper and you're free and suddenly enveloped in hot moisture and

_Holy Fuck._

And your glad he's holding you down by the hips as you start to move with him and you throw your head back against the wall and bite your lip to stifle the grunts and moans that want release and he's humming now and you're going to come undone way too soon if he doesn't stop that and you figure that you might as well enjoy this to the fullest so you close your eyes and imagine that it's Bobby who's sucking you off and that it's Bobby's hair that you've got your fingers wrapped in and as Bobby moves quicker your hips buck faster to match his pace and god this feels so good.

_Fuck Bobby, I'm gonna come…_

And Bobby backs off and you let go of his hair and reach down to finish the job off yourself and as the force of the orgasm subsides you look up to meet Bobby's eyes and you remember where you are and that the guy who was sucking you off wasn't Bobby but Chris and he's sitting on his knees in front of you and he's staring at you with a look that you can't quite read.

_Who's Bobby?_

And you're sure that your eyes are the size of dinner plates until you remember that Bobby left before you met Chris which means he's never met Bobby and you haven't talked about Bobby since he left so you can relax and you try but you can't and you're not sure why but you want Chris out of your house right now.

_Get the fuck out._

And you can read the hurt on his face because you're supposed to be friends and you know it's not nice or right but you don't care and he's still just sitting there and you know you shouldn't kick him out when he's still got the drugs going full force in his system but you don't care about that right now all you care about is that he is out of your house.

_I said get the fuck out!_

And you feel vulnerable and embarrassed sitting on the floor spent and hanging out so you tuck yourself in and push yourself to your feet and grab Chris' coat and throw it at him with hopes that he gets the point that you aren't fucking kidding and by the look on his face you think he does as he catches the coat and stalks from the room and you sink to the ground as you hear the front door slam.

_The further you run_

_The harder I'll try_

_To bring you back_

_Into my life_

And you can feel the euphoric feeling of the cocaine fading and the dullness of the heroin slipping in to take its place as you pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around them and hope that Chris won't mention this at school or to any of your friends because they know Bobby and you don't think you can lose the few friends you have right now and if you do you'll be sinking faster than you already are without Bobby.

_Fuck._

And you can feel your throat beginning to close and your eyes blink to fend off the tears threatening to fall and you bite your lip to stifle the sobs and you begin to rock and sway as if it has the power to fend off the pain that radiates through your body as images of Bobby and the night Bobby left shift through your brain and you can see his silhouette walking from your room as you sit in much the same place where you now sit and the pain is no lesser now than the moment when it occurred.

_Why'd you leave Bobby? Why did you leave me here alone?_

And you're pretty sure that when he left he didn't think that he was leaving you alone and you hope that he didn't but whether he knew it or not he did and you're not sure that you can forgive him for that and you can see what the drugs are doing to your brain and you can see their effects every time you walk by a mirror and glance at the rotting skeleton that stands there and you want Bobby to see what his leaving has done to you and you want him to come home so he can see what he's done and so that he can hear the pain he's put you through as you scream at him one last time before you die and your blood will be on his hands when you're gone.

_I want you to come home Bobby, I need you to come home and need me._

And you know deep down inside that the reason that you want him to come home is so he can hold you in his arms and tell you that he needs you and that he loves you and to look into your eyes and see the love that radiates back at him one last time before you're gone because this is the long way down.

_My eyes can't see_

_What's in front of me_

_Should of learned by now but_

_Here I am; Here I am_

And you should have never let yourself get attached to him and you've known since you were 7 years old that getting attached is the worst fucking thing you can do but he felt so warm and safe and he told you that you could trust him but that turned out to be a crock of shit the same as much of your life has and you want that feeling back the feeling that you get when he walks in the room and glances your way and looks you in the eye like nobody else does and you know that those feeling are still beneath the surface as strong as ever but that they have transformed into pain that will remain unchanged until he comes back or you die and as it looks right now the latter will come first and you can't help but to welcome it at times like these when you know that nobody will ever mean to you what Bobby does.

_Help me learn to help myself_

_I can depend on…_

_No one else._

* * *

I'm a little nervous about the reactions I'm going to get to this chapter...

Racquet.


	5. How to Save a Life

A/N: Ack! Sorry this took so long, my computer is a piece of junk and decided to break -rolls eyes-

Obligatory Disclaimer: Four Brothers does (not) belong to me, just as The Fray and the lyrics to How to Save a Life do (not) belong to me.

Where we'll stop nobody knows...

Aperture, Chapter 5_

* * *

_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

And as you sit at the table and glance at the clock and shake your head at the glowing 2:47AM that glares red you can't help but to wish you could forget this whole thing and just go to sleep but the look on Ma's face and the way she wrung her hands when she told you about Jack glues your feet to the ground and you'll sit here and wait until he decides to come home.

_C'mon Jack, where are you?_

And your best guess is that he met with his dealer tonight and has holed up with one of his buddies to sleep off the high and you hope that your second guess is wrong because picturing your little brother lying dead in an alley somewhere isn't exactly comforting, though nothing about drugs ever is.

_I swear to god Jack…_

And you're conversation with the serene emptiness of the house is cut short by the sound of a key attempting to find the tiny slot of the keyhole on the rounded knob and you can tell by the quick succession of failures and the not so quiet curses that your brother's probably sober and no drug addict is happy when they're sober and you take a deep breath and push yourself to your feet to answer the door before he wakes up the entire house.

_What the…_

And the look on his face as you swing the door in towards you is one of utter shock and his mouth sets hanging open like a door with broken hinges and it seems like forever as you both stand there staring and you don't make a move because you haven't seen him in nine months and he doesn't even remotely resemble the person you left that night and this new person is foreign to you as you watch his hands quiver and his eyes flick and twitch and water inside of red rimmed sockets stretched over the gaunt face of a mere skeletal frame and he must be breaking the laws of physics just by standing upright.

_Move._

And through his clenched teeth it comes out more in the form a growl than a word and the malice in his face and the animosity that drips from that growl makes you swallow hard as you slide back away from the door and watch as he pushes past you to head for the stairs and there's no doubt that he's got a stash and plans on closing the door to his bedroom and thus the world to get strung out again and you can't watch him hurt himself anymore, it stops tonight.

_Step one you say we need to talk_

_He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

_Jack wait a second…_

And he doesn't even hesitate as he continues his trek to the stairs with crooked uneven steps and when his cracked and boney hand reaches for the banister and he turns to lift his leg to the first stair you reach out again because him walking up those stairs is not different than if he were walking the last mile to the electric chair because once he passes the threshold to his room you've lost him, and this time it'll be for good.

_Fine Jack, you wanna go up there and shoot up or whatever the fuck you do? Fine, that's just great and when you OD Ma can find your selfish ass in the fucking morning, great plan Jack!_

And his foot hovers above the third step as you finish your tirade and his head begins to turn slowly towards you and the stuttered movements remind you of the girl from The Grudge and any other time you would undoubtedly find that funny but right now it just makes you feel sick as his face comes to mirror yours and his lips pull back into a snarl as he descends the steps.

_Selfish?! You think I'm fucking selfish? That's bullshit and you_

And at this rate everybody in the house is going to be up to watch the little show the two of you are putting on if you don't shut him up.

_Jack be quiet. Let's go sit down and talk about this like adults._

And you start towards the dining room without looking back and you hope that he is mad enough to follow you and you're praying that he's not trudging back up the stairs as you take a seat at the table and wait for your answer and moments later you find it in the dull thudding of boots on the wooden floors and a boiling mad Jack standing in the doorway.

_You wanna talk, let's talk. Let's talk about how you just fucking left, just walked the fuck out and_

_Let him know that you know best_

_Cause after all you do know best_

_Try to slip past his defense_

_Without granting innocence_

And you can feel the anger radiating off of him as the words pour out of his mouth and disperse into the air to bounce off the walls and fill the room and you interrupt him because he's got this all wrong and you've tried to explain this to him before but he just won't fucking listen.

_Jack, I've told you before, I had to go, I didn't want to but I had to. One day you'll understand, I just had to._

And your voice is stiff and low as you try to hold your own anger in check and he merely scoffs in response before his skeletal hands dive into pockets and pull out a pack of smokes and a lighter from the back pocket later he's lit up and you watch as the swirls of dim aura race from his nostrils as he exhales.

_How many times you gonna play that card Bobby? I didn't believe it the first time and I don't believe it now._

And his eyes bore into yours and he waits patiently for an answer and you're amazed at how calm he is right now and the way his stormy black eyes stand out so starkly against the tranquil nature of his pale face and it mesmerizes you.

_It's the truth._

And all tranquility is lost as he finally snaps and you knew it was only a matter of time and you hope that maybe this is all he needs and once he gets this out everything will be back to the way it was before you left and the two of you can start over and you can make everything right and convince him one more time that you're safe and you'll be there and he can trust you for always and his voice comes out like rolling thunder.

_No! It's not! That's just a fucking excuse so that you don't have to man up to the fact that you're a damn liar and that you don't really fucking care about anybody but your goddamn self and you walk back in here like you fucking rule the joint and expect everyone to bow down and listen to you're every fucking word! Well I'm done! You're never gonna change, you're just gonna keep leaving, just like everybody else._

And as the last sentence falls from his lips it falls to a whisper and you watch as he tries to keep the stoicism alive as he takes a deep breath and the tears at bay and turns from you and once again regains the jerky steps towards the stairs and for a few seconds you simply watch him as the last few words of his outburst play themselves over and over in your head and your heart is pounding roughly against your ribs and it aches and for a second you think you're having a heart attack and somehow you manage to rise from the chair and your jerky steps match his and you reach out and grab his shoulder only to have him spin around and as if you were watching a slow motion instant replay he turns and his arm hooks and he takes a swing but it never connects as you grab his wrist and in seconds you have him pinned to the ground by both wrists and you're sure he smacked his head off the hard tiled ground as he releases a moan.

_As he begins to raise his voice_

_You lower your and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road_

_Or break with the ones you've followed_

_Jack, I am not like them, I will never be like them. I never wanted to hurt you, and if I did then I am sorry but I couldn't stay here, the feelings were too dangerous, I'm sorry. But right now Jack that isn't important, look at yourself, look what you're doing to yourself. Your killing yourself and I can't let you do that anymore, so either you give me your stash right now and we work through this or you get up and walk out that door and never come back._

_He will do one of two things_

_He will admit to everything_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same_

_And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

* * *

Oh No! What will Jackie choose?!

Wow, this chapter did not come anything like I had originally intended. Oh well, only one more chapter to go!

Racquet


	6. Better Days

A/N - Here it is! The last chapter! I'd like to thank all those who read this story and a huge thank you to all who reviewed, you guys made it worth it!

Obligatory Disclaimer: I don't own Four Brothers, the Goo Goo Dolls, or the lyrics to 'Better Days'...really, it's a shame!

We know...

Aperture, Chapter 6

* * *

_I wish everyone was loved tonight_

_And somehow stop this endless fight_

And you stop at the landing between the first and second set of stairs and take in the beautiful scene before you and you relish in it and bathe in the pride and glory that comes with it and somehow you think that for once this scene could last forever and you could sit here that long and more and be perfectly content.

_Forever with you._

And it comes out as no more than a whisper because you'd rather he not know that you're watching him and disturb the tranquility of what lies before you as he slouches on the couch with boot clad feet resting on the coffee table and nimble fingers pulling at the strings and the peaceful look in his eyes that reflects off of the tree that is sitting in the living room and lit up like the Fourth of July.

_You gonna come down or just stand there and watch me?_

And he smirks without even looking at you because he knows that he's caught you off guard and you start slowly down the stairs after regaining your composure and you trudge into the living room and lower yourself onto the couch next to him gently because you're still afraid that you might somehow break him if you're too rough because even though he is getting better and gaining weight he still seems made of porcelain to you.

_I was just waiting for you to throw on your tutu and dance under the tree, I thought that's what fairies did at Christmas._

And he smirks again and continues to strum the strings of the guitar and soon he's humming along and you lean your head back against the couch and close your eyes and you're almost asleep when the noise stops and the peace is interrupted.

_And the one poor child that saved this world_

_And there's 10 million more who probably could_

_If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them_

_Hey Bobby, do you ever think about all the kids that Ma doesn't get?_

And you think it over and contemplate whether to tell him what would be best for him or to tell him that you think about it constantly and it makes you hurt and angry and bitter and it tears you up inside every time you see a kid in the street or a kid covered in bruises that you can't help because if they had come to Ma they would be fixed and loved and cared for.

_Why, do you?_

And you haven't decided what to tell him so you prolong it for a while and he turns to you and his eyes are filled with unshed tears and his lip quivers and he drags the sleeve of his shirt along the bottom of his eyes as the tears start to fall and he turns away from you so that you won't see them and you feel them anyway.

_All the time. I just…sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this. Other kids would kill to end up with someone like Ma, and I have, and then I just fuck it up by doing stupid shit all the time._

And his breath hitches and your heart aches for him because he doesn't realize how special he is and how much he means to this family and how we would all fall apart without him here but all he can see are his mistakes and you only wish to take his pain and make it your own if only to spare him this misery.

_Jack, you came here for a reason and you mean so damn much to this family, I won't deny it you have done some really stupid shit, but that doesn't make you any less deserving of this family, we love you._

And his breathing slows but you can still see his thin frame shaking with the sobs and he shivers like he's cold and you want him to feel warm and safe and loved so you reach for his guitar that's still resting in his hands and you gently place it on the floor and you reach for him and pull him to you and wrap your arms around him and slowly begin to rock him until the sobs subside and the shivering slows and when you release him from your arms he slides away and pulls the blanket down from behind the couch before resting his head in your lap and covering himself with the blanket and you can't help but to run your hands through his spiky hair and relax to the sounds of his breathing and you remain that way for who knows how long until he breaks the silence once again.

_Bobby, what did you ask for for Christmas?_

_Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings_

_And designer love and empty things_

_Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days. _

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed it. I, for one, am extremely glad that this story is over! 

Let me know if you'd like me to post my normal written, full length story.

Until next time...

Racquet. _  
_


End file.
